We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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