He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
