just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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