I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Randomize
