Little spoons don't ask big questions
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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