And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
