So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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