I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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