Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
