you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
