All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
