I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
