"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
