Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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