is your mom at the bar?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
