I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
