Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
