I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
In America we eat man semen.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
