We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
