so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
