Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
