she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
