You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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