Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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