I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
