don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
i need to put some appletini on your dick
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