we have officially lost it.
My first STD was from a foam party
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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