So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
