I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
