He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
