theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
