Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
don't judge my taste in strippers
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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