The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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