Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
She announced her abortion via fbk
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
