hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
BRING THE BAGELS
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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