worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
