She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
