oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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