Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
