It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
