Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
