i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
