Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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