I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
