do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
