Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
