We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
false alarm. still invincible.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
