i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
