I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
