I want to walk on stilts...naked
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
