I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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