A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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