What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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