I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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