its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
