3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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