i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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