A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Randomize
